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150 Proof Lurch

You know it’s gonna be an interesting streetcar ride when a tall, willowy, white-haired, fedora-clad lady of indeterminate age (maybe late sixties, early seventies, maybe not) gets on and slurs to the dude (wearing headphones) in the seat beside me, “would you mind if I took a lap on your seat?” and gives a very suggestive wink and chuckle before lurching toward me – her poor streetcar legs further impaired by the fact that her heart was pumping 150 proof alcohol instead of blood, if smell was anything to go by – mashing my foot in the process (made worse because she had to stop to consider what that squirming lump was under her foot). She was very apologetic, in that special way only a drunk can be, trying to include me in her profound happiness and whispering her apology conspiratorally in my right ear. While I was by no means put out by the situation, I’m fairly certain my left-foot toes would’ve liked to trade places with my right ear, which I’m pretty sure was drunk. ;p
(Originally posted March 6th on Facebook)
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