You know that photo that’s been floating around since the Academy Awards featuring Angelina Jolie’s leg? Well, I came across a gentleman this evening, on my walk home from the streetcar, who was trying to imitate the pose with his sexy prosthetic leg. Sure, he didn’t have the dress, high heels, or the killer red lips, but he was flashing his limb for all he was worth, through the giant front tear in his wind pants, the prosthetic glistening (from the fine mist and periods of sn-rain, no doubt) as if it had just been waxed. Take that, Angelina’s leg! There’s a new limb in town and it’s practically bionic. ;p
(Originally posted February 29, 2012 on Facebook)
You know when you walk out of the house and you see an older couple walking down the street and you think how cute, they still hold hands after all these years. Then when you catch up to them, you suddenly realize from the tone of their voices that they’re ridiculously pissed off at one another and barely able to contain their anger, and as you’re skirting around them, a giant argument erupts and suddenly you feel real awkward for being there to witness to it? Yeah, that happened.
(Originally posted October 22, 2011 on Facebook)
Walked into a swarm of mathletes this evening on my way through Ryerson campus. Either a math exam had just let out or it was the saddest excuse for Friday night conversaton I’ve ever had to overhear. I heard words and phrases like, “proofs,” “co-efficients,” and “I got negative 130” being bandied about as though it were an exciting sports recap. If my eyes hadn’t glazed over and my brain hadn’t gone into immediate shut down (my automatic response to math), I might have found it almost amusing.
(Originally posted November 18, 2011 on Facebook)
1) Thank god for menopausal women on the streetcar. If it wasn’t for them pulling the windows wide open, letting the cool air breeze down the aisles of a packed car, we’d all die from the heat. I promise to pay it forward when my time comes.
2) What is up with women wearing their little ballet flats sans any kind of socks or tights with the temperature hovering around zero and a smattering of snow on the ground? No one’s telling you to put pantyhose on (the Horror, the Horror), but why not take advantage of the current legging/tights trend, the latest throwback to 80’s fashion? As it is, I was forced to don an extra pair of mittens to make up for your heat loss.
3) If you have to contort your body into an unnatural position in order to stay upright and adjust your walking speed to a teetering snail’s pace to accomodate a listing 5-inch spike heel, your shoes are too high. Note to the woman who was dangerously close to breaking an ankle: your taste in fashion is impeccable. Unfortunately, lurching around like a new foal learning to walk kinda ruined the effect.
You know, I don’t usually have much use for Justin Bieber fans, but their high-pitched screams – which could be heard from 6 blocks away – were able to penetrate my cold-addled brain fog, just in time to remind me that my normal route to the streetcar was about to be disrupted by hundreds (probably more in the thousands range) of hysterical tweens and teens waiting outside Massey Hall for tonight’s taping of the Bieber Christmas Special. If I can barely tolerate the Christmas sidewalk traffic, you must be able to imagine where my thoughts turned when I pictured having a run-in with Bieber groupies (I know, I swear a lot!). So thanks, Bieber fans. May we keep never meeting up. ;p
(Originally posted December 21, 2011 on Facebook)
You know when you walk out in the morning to find a thick layer of sn-ice blanketing the ground and a feeling of dread settles over you as you think about the double-tiered downhill journey before you en route to the streetcar, but you trudge on anyway, managing to stay upright down the first no-nonsense hill (despite the fact that the so-called kind souls who had shovelled the evening before had left their sidewalks barren of snow and plentiful with ice), a small amount of relief kicking in as you slowly and painstakingly wind your way down the gently descending (yet deceivingly long) hill – a victory dance flashing in your head as safe, flat ground looms before you – only to be foiled by the last foot of it, when you find yourself flailing and contorting like Bambi on ice to find balance as you skid off the sidewalk onto the even icier roadway? Welcome to my morning. ;p *No Colleens were harmed during the making of this vignette.*
(Originally posted December 30, 2011 on Facebook)