You know when you get on the streetcar and all you can smell is the person somewhere in your immediate vicinity who reeks so badly of weed, you’re almost certain you’re gonna get off twenty minutes later with a cheap high, so you switch, temporarily, to mouth-breathing (to avoid the stench more than anything), only to discover a little while later – after a test sniff – that you’re suddenly ravenous and some bastard somewhere on the streetcar is holding a box of fresh pizza that you’re considering following the scent to and stealing? Welcome to my Friday night ride home. *No bastards with pizza were harmed in the making of this vignette… so far as I know.* ;p
(Originally posted January 20, 2012 on Facebook)
Sometimes it’s good to know the difference between retinitus and tinnitus. Dude on the streetcar who’s been in the music business for 20 years – says him! (he looked maybe 25) – apparently has the former from wearing headphones all the time. Did I mention he was half-baked (which might explain why his eyes apparently ring) and trying to impress a girl (she was as oblivious as he was)? Thanks, kid, I appreciate the laugh you gave me, which was no doubt your goal. ;p
You know when you walk out of the house and you see an older couple walking down the street and you think how cute, they still hold hands after all these years. Then when you catch up to them, you suddenly realize from the tone of their voices that they’re ridiculously pissed off at one another and barely able to contain their anger, and as you’re skirting around them, a giant argument erupts and suddenly you feel real awkward for being there to witness to it? Yeah, that happened.
(Originally posted October 22, 2011 on Facebook)
You know when you’re on the streetcar and you’re standing behind a woman and you find yourself envious of her naturally curly hair, and her nice pink sweater and she turns around and she’s got a goatee and is in fact male? Yeah, that happened.
(Originally posted 24, 2011 on Facebook)
You know when it’s raining out and everyone crams onto the streetcar all at once and you manage to wedge yourself into a spot in the accordion section with 25 other people only to discover there’s a leak in the seam of the accordion section right above your head? 25 minutes of chinese water torture is not for the faint of heart.
(Originally posted October 25, 2011 on Facebook)
Almost didn’t live to tell the tale. Dude beside me, on the streetcar, thought he’d take his jacket off because he was hot. Little did we all know that the jacket was the only buffer between us and his personal stench that went beyond eye-wateringly bad B.O. It was so bad that, even having switched to mouth breathing, you felt like the inside of your mouth was coated in the smell. So gross…
(Originally posted November 8th, 2011 on Facebook)
Had my favourite streetcar driver this evening. His running commentary on what’s happening outside the streetcar is priceless – from traffic and weather updates to what people’s pets are thinking as they walk along the sidewalk. Also, the timely comment about going to the dentist was not lost on me. ;p Thanks for making what could have been a dreary ride home fun.
(Originally posted November 9th, 2011 on Facebook)